As per Gilbert's request . . .

Here is this year's nominated commentary. Last year's winner is below.

March 17, 2005:

So did you catch that interview with Kenneth Irving on the front page of the paper yesterday? In light of the millions of dollars that Irving Oil will be saving thanks to tax breaks, this hard-hitting piece of investigative journalism revealed that Kenneth is both genuine AND disarming. He’ll fetch you a bottle of water if you’re sweating, and he likes to be called “Ken.” He also said that he mayor made “a heck of a decision.”

Well, I can’t argue with him there.

Lots of Saint Johners think Norm and his council made “a heck of a decision.” As in, “What the heck were they thinking?”

Mayor Norm sat down in the council chambers on Monday and revealed that he’s been watching way too many episodes of ‘24.’ He said he’d been told that the deal had to be done . . . by midnight! Or Saint John and New Brunswick . . . are lost! I wish I was making that up.

Some combination of “Ken” Irving and their Spanish tango partner Repsol decided that midnight - on the night of a council meeting - was zero hour for natural gas in Saint John. If the deal wasn’t made RIGHT THIS SECOND, then the deal would be off and, on Tuesday, natural gas terminals would be springing up like Starbucks across New England.

Is it just me, or does this seem suspiciously like when a used-car salesman says, “I really need to go in and discuss this with my boss, but he needs to know you’re serious about buying the car.”

Norm was definitely feeling the pressure. His presentation to council sounded like he was reading a victim impact statement, and his claim that he looked into Kenneth’s eyes to seek the truth was the kind of wince-worthy quote that can define a term in office.

And when he defended the deal, Norm thrashed around like a drowning man grasping for a lifeline. He said it was council as a team that made the decision, not him. He said he was doing it for the children. And he said, “Hey, I pay taxes, too,” which is the economic equivalent of “Some of my best friends are black.”

In other words, Norm was feeling the heat. He was facing tough questions, and, though he wasn’t answering them very well, he was at least facing them. Which brings us back to the man who made him make the decision – Ken – who sits in his office and talks about how swell the project is, to a reporter who writes about how swell he is.

Your business may be private, Ken, but tax breaks are a public issue. At this rate, we’re going to be the only city in the world that’s full of industry but has no people. The 20 employees this terminal will create will all live in the Valley if they’re smart.

But, hey, maybe you’re right. Maybe this was the only way to do it. All I ask is that you truly step out of the shadows and explain why. There is a roomful of journalists at CBC who cover the Irving family all the time, and most of them don’t even know what you look like.

I just want to see you. I hear you have beautiful eyes.
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For Information Morning, I’m John Mazerolle

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April 1, 2004

So, it’s time to sing the praises of Elsie Wayne. She’ll have a chance to say goodbye on a radio talk show tomorrow, and she’s being feted by the Conservatives in a $150 a plate retirement party Friday.

And I have to admit it. I’d pay $150 to watch her leave politics. With any luck, there’ll be a catapult.

Now, I can already hear people dialing in to defend her Elsieness. But I’m performing a civic duty here. I have to make sure the people remember that as she retires, there are a lot of us who did not think she was the Great Little MP in the East.

I got so annoyed reading the string of compliments in the newspaper when she announced her retirement that I turned to a friend in protest: "She didn’t die!"

Even people who I know think she’s damaging to the city were treating the end of her political life with an amount of reverence usually reserved for funeral eulogies.
Which leaves me to dance on this political grave.

First, understand that this has nothing to do with age. In life as in politics, age is irrelevant. No, this has to do with, well, with almost everything she’s done over the last four or five years.

How do I hate your politics, Elsie Wayne? Let me count the ways.

#1) Same-sex marriage. You listeners may have heard about this. In a little publicized incident, Wayne told gays seeking equality to shut up about it. We’re not talking about simple disagreement here, either. She actually said, "We should not have to tolerate it in Canada." She actually refused to meet with the local gay community. So, she is, in faith and in deed, intolerant.

#2) Marijuana. I think the marijuana debate is a subtle one, and am open to arguments on either side, but Wayne has such a cartoonish view of the drug that I think she may have a writing credit on "Reefer Madness." So, she is an ideologue.

#3) Terrorism. Remember when Wayne said there was a terrorist cell operating in Saint John and then took it back after an RCMP briefing? Maybe you don’t, since nobody took her seriously at the time then either. So, she’s either irresponsible or inconsequential.

#4) Intergovernmental affairs. Wayne and Saint John Mayor Shirley McAlary get along about as well as two cats in a bag. The two politicians that should be working together the most look like they’re on the world’s worst lesbian first date when ever they have to suffer the indignity of standing next to one another. So, she’s inflexible, too.

To recap, that’s intolerant, ideological, irresponsible, inconsequential and inflexible. Should Elsie Wayne retire from politics and never come back? The ‘i’s have it.

So . . . for every gay person who feels persecuted by their own elected official . . .for every clear thinker who thinks that the separation of church and state is kind of important . . . for every city official who has thought to themselves, "Don’t call me darlin’"

Let us sing the praises of the retirement of Elsie Wayne.

Na na na na. . . na na na na . . . hey hey hey, goodbye . . .
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For Information Morning, I’m John Mazerolle

Cheers,
John