A visitor's guide to Vienna (For Lisa and Anthony)

It's customary to start travel pieces with the following formula:

"At first glance, INSERT PLACE HERE may appear to be little more than INSERT PRECONCEPTIONS HERE. But, once you've been here for just a few days, you'll begin to realize that INSERT THE WONDER OF THE LOCATION AND ITS "TRUE" PERSONA HERE."

Alas, Vienna ('Wien' to the locals) does not fit very well into this tidy little blueprint. Most people, when they're not confusing Vienna with Venice, think of the Austrian capital as a place of grand architecture, classical music, and quaint coffeehouses. And, by George, they're right. Vienna is not the "cool" place other European centres are, if by "cool" you mean cutting-edge liberal thought by day, and avant-garde techno clubs by night. (Those are stereotypes too, I imagine, but that's a different topic.)

Vienna is a pleasant mixture of down-to-earth people and reaching-for-the-heavens culture. Somehow the resting place of Strauss, Mozart, and Beethoven never seems pretentious. What you see is what you get, but what you see is gold. Here are 50 quick pointers for touring Vienna. The things to see, and the tips to look out for. Enjoy!

THE BASICS

Arrival:
The Vienna International Airport (Flughafen Wien) is about 20 km southwest of the city. When you arrive, you can decide how to get to your hotel based on how much luggage you have, how tired you are, and how much you're willing to spend. The easiest way, of course, is the most expensive. But given a trans-Atlantic flight, a 30 Euro taxi ride is definitely your best bet.

Language:
It's not true that everybody speaks English, though many people do. It's comparable to Quebec City, in terms of how much of your native tongue you'll encounter. The more touristy, upscale, or central the place, the more likely someone will speak English. Learning a little German is necessary though, even if only to be polite.

Weather:
September in Vienna tends to be warmer than September in New Brunswick, but, like the Picture Province, it can be extremely changeable. Heck, in just the last two weeks we've had one day when it was 38 degrees and another when it was 17. So pack like you would for the sea: ready to dress in layers.

Electricity:
Ask an expert. My laptop works fine with just a cheap plug adaptor, but I think it's built for dual voltage. For other items, you might need a more expensive converter or transformer; I'm thinking specifically of camera and video camera rechargers. I'm not certain an adaptor is enough, and not willing to put your equipment at risk with an uneducated guess. Austria runs at 230 volts, 50 hertz, if that helps.

Money:
The currency is the Euro. A 100 Euro withdrawal with my bank card costs me approximately $150 Canadian dollars, plus the $3 withdrawal charge. My bank card works great, but if yours doesn't work while you're here, you're in trouble. So you may want to look into traveller's cheques or carrying some cash. Credit cards are widely accepted, too, though not so much as at home. As anywhere, it's better to get your money changed at a bank than at a hotel, airport, or bureau de change. Again, it's probably best to ask other travellers. My case isn't typical.

Transportation:
Getting around Vienna is easy, and you won't need a car or a taxi. The subways (U-Bahn), trams (Strassenbahn), trains (Zug), and buses (Autobus) run often and well. Unless it's the middle of the night the longest I ever have to wait is 15 minutes, and that feels like an eternity. To get to your hotel from the downtown, you have two obvious choices that you may want to write down (and some less obvious ones that would be too confusing here.)

Either: A) Get to Schottentor (not to be confused with Schottenring) and take the streetcar to Sieveringerstrasse, which is the street your hotel is on.
or
B) Get on the U4 subway (The Green Line) or another subway line that connects with it and take the subway to Heilingenstadt, which is the end of the line. Go to platform three (Bahnsteig drei) and take the S45 to Oberdöbling. Get out there. It's a two-minute walk to the hotel.

Those directions will seem straightforward once you see what they're talking about. Promise.

Costs:
Vienna is more expensive than home, but not as expensive as London, Berlin or other big cities in Western Europe. As at home, food is much cheaper if you buy it at a supermarket. A can of coke will cost you about half a Euro in a supermarket, one Euro from a vending machine, 1.50 at a convienence store and as much as 4 Euros at a restaurant. Items are cheaper outside Vienna. And if you happen to travel to Hungary or Slovakia for a day, the prices positively plummet.

THINGS TO SEE AND DO:

The Ring:
Like many old cities, Vienna used to have a centre encircled by a wall. However, last century one of the rulers decided to tear it down and replace it with a 4 km long street filled with some of the most ridiculously overwrought buildings on the planet. The Ring is also good for orientation: if you encounter a "Ring" street - Opernring, Dr. Karl Renner-Ring, etc. - then you are either leaving or entering the inner city.

The Prater:
The Prater is a large park dominated by a permanent amusement park and a world-famous Ferris wheel (Riesenrad), which figures in many touristy photos and in the excellent noir film The Third Man. Good place to be goofy after all the architecture and cappucino. There's also a restaurant where you can order an enormous pig's leg, still on the bone.

Kahlenberg:
A largish hill/smallish mountain on the northern side of the city. It's a relatively quick tram/bus ride from your hotel, and it offers a great view of the entire city.

Museums and galleries:
There are dozens.

Schönbrunn and Belevedere Palaces:
Schloss Schönbrunn was a summer house for some of Austria's past rulers. Nice digs if you can afford them. It's also home to the West's oldest zoo. Schloss Belvedere was where Austria gained its independence, in 1955. The foreign minister stepped out on to the balcony and yelled to crowd below, "Österreich ist frei!" ("Austria is free!")

Stephansdom:
Big ol' church.

Melk:
We plan to take a river cruise down the Danube while you're here, to the small town of Melk. There's a monestary there. Don't worry, it's more exciting than it sounds. It has skeletons.

LITTLE THINGS:

Watch your step:
Three things about walking in Vienna.
1) Watch for doggie doo-doo. There's lots of it.
2) Don't jaywalk. The locals don't.
3) Get used to the idea that a small 'ding-ding' sound means "look out!" That sound means you're either about to be hit by a bicycle or streetcar. Either way, remember U.S. homeland security's advice and keep a high level of personal awareness at all times.

Keep to the right:
If you stand on the left on an escalator, you're in somebody's way. It only took me four months to figure that one out.

Vienna is safe:
Crime is low, there have been no recent terrorist threats, and public transport is safe. The only place I would try to avoid is the Karlsplatz subway station, which is very seedy, though not really actively dangerous. Just unpleasant. Lots of ne'er-do-wells. I'm also told the Prater is not a good place to be once the sun goes down.

The water is safe:
In fact, it's usually delicious. Filters are not necessary.

Watch for ticks:
If you walk in the woods in Austria, you should keep your skin covered. In rare cases, tick bites can cause encephalitis. So, no sandals or shorts if you go for a countryside hike. You can find more information about the little buggers here.

I trust that's enough for now. If you have any more questions (I can't imagine), then ask away. Can't wait till you arrive.

Cheers,
John